Happy Holidays!

I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful christmas. We are going to my parents tonight for a wonderful meal and presents. The kids will get to open Grandpa and Grandma Ivie's presents. Then they will get to open their jammies from us. Of course they will want to immediately put their jammies on. With any luck they will fall asleep on the way home.


HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEE!

Happy birthday big boy! I can hardly believe you are six years old. You are such an amazing person. You are so resilient and I am always proud of how hard you try and never give up. I know we all can get frustrated with each other but it is not you I am frustrated with it is the disease you have to deal with. As for me you can be frustrated with me because I have no idea what I am doing. Just know that you are such an important part of this family and we love you so much. Thank you for choosing us to be your family.

I thought I was being a good mother.

Okay so we decided to take the kids to see christmas lights last night. I had also read that santas reindeer were going to be there too. So we decided to surprise the boys and not tell them what we were doing. So we went to dinner at this new place close to our house. It's called Spankys and it was an old time diner type place. Way cute. Their food was yummy too. Anyway when we started driving there Adam figured out what we were doing and blurted it out (don't ya just love big brothers). But no one knew about the reindeer. So when we got there we told them about the reindeer and they all seemed real excited. So we got up to the reindeer and Parker FREEEEEKED out. He hated every second so we decided to cut it short and go ride over to where the christmas light display was and next thing you know Dee is having a total meltdown because he was evidently not done with the reindeer and wanted to pet them. Basically I was damned if I do and damned if I don't. We opted to let Dee scream it out because ultimately it was warmer in the truck:) He completely stopped when we got to the lights and was super excited for the great light show.

So I guess at least I tried. RIGHT?

He passed!!!

Well Adam and his buddy Skyler passed their hunter safety test last night. They are both super excited and I am sure their dads are pretty glad they don't have to sit through anymore of those long and boring classes. Here is a picture that my friend (skylers mom) took of them when they passed their written test.

Stolen credit cards and a flat tire!

I seriously should have stayed in bed yesterday. I woke up feeling off and I just thought it was because I had to meet with deshawns school. I get really nervous for stupid stuff like that.

So before I had to go to Dees school I had to pick up his prescriptions and put gas in my car. Which by the way it only took $15 to fill my car that was completely empty. It used to cost me $40. Anyway, I drove over to Dees school and had my meeting with them and then drove over to Parkers school to check him in because he was a little late. Then I realized I hadn't eaten all day and I was starving so I went to get me something to eat but when I went to pay for it I realize I have no debit card. So I thought that was weird but I will grab my credit card an hurry and pay for it and then I will search through my scary purse for it. But there where no credit cards either. Okay so I was in total panic mood at this point. I tried to retrace my steps and try to figure out what happend. I had last used my debit card getting gas and then right over to dees school and then to parkers. There is no way someone had the chance to take them from me so the next logical step to take would be to go back to parkers school and see if he took them. I felt stupid interrupting their class but hello this was my money we are talking about. So anyway I bent down and whispered in parkers ear "do you have mommy's cards" And the look on his face said it all. He grabbed his back pack and there they were. He had a total of 8 cards in his backpack. Little stinker!

So crisis over I went home and then got a phone call from my sis saying she was in the area and wanted to stop by so my nephew and her stopped and visited. Well my sis went outside for a minute and Rick came home while she was out there and she said to him "do you realize Melanie's car had a flat" Then he came in and told me. He took one look at me and said "you probably should have stayed in bed today huh?"

On a lighter note Adam passed his shooting test in his hunter safety course. He still has one more class and the next day he will do his written test. He was pretty proud last night.

Crisis over!

Well I ended up getting a couple more orders and felt better about having the party. I think if (that's a big if) I do a party again I will wait until it is a slow time of year.

I think the kids are impatiently waiting for christmas this year. They are all ornery and irritated with each other. I think they might be getting sick too. I hope we don't end up being sick on Christmas. The first year me and Rick were married I was so sick with some kindof virus that made me have the worst fever ever and I ended up spending christmas eve in the ER. Good times, good times! I don't think I have ever been that sick since. Hopefully I will never be that sick again (knock on wood).

I still have christmas shopping to do and I have no idea when I am going to be able to get around to finishing. I still need to do parent gifts and Birthday gifts (for Dee and Gpa Rymer) and I still have no idea what Dee and Parkers main gifts are going to be. So I am up for any Ideas (hint, hint) Parker is 5 and Dee will be 6 so if anyone has any ideas I would love them.

Adam started his hunter safety course tonight. He is doing it with his friend Skyler and they are both really excited. I can't believe he is old enough to even do it. So for the next couple weeks he is going to be doing classes and then his testing. Funny thing is when I took my test Skylers mom and I took our classes together and now our kids are taking theirs together. How fun is that!

Okay I will quit rambling all of this randomness.

S.centsy

Okay so I had a Scentsy party today and I only had 2 people show and I feel like a total loser because she hauled all her crap in and took time out to do this party and only 2 people came. So I am putting this out there if anyone who lives in south salt lake or Utah county and you have been looking to order some S.centsy products I am keeping my party open til Monday. You can go online at scentsy dot com and check out their products. I feel like I should at least try to get some more orders for her.

Just email me at mrymer796@yahoo.com if you are interested

NO PRESSURE I am only looking for people that really want the products.

Bah Humbug!

For some reason I cannot get into the christmas spirit. I put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving and it took me 2 days to finish decorating it. Instead of me hounding Rick to put the lights up on the house he keeps asking me when I want him to. He finally put them up yesterday without me knowing. I think he might actually be more excited for christmas this year than me.

I am usually so excited for the holidays. I am usually finished shopping by Thanksgiving and I want to go and experience everything christmas. Not this year. I seriously don't want to do anything.

Maybe it's not the holidays maybe it's just the evil depression cycle I go through every year. I have suffered with bouts of depression and anxiety and this year it is hitting me hard. When I was diagnosed with anxiety my body was doing this weird tremor thing and I went on meds for it and I finally felt normal again. My body is doing the weird tremor thing again and it is driving me nuts.

When I try to talk to Rick about it he just brushes me off and prefers not deal with me. I don't blame him. My diabetes is alot to deal with. I am sure the last thing he wants is for something else to be going on. For the most part I can deal with the anxiety but when I get the tremor things it makes me go crazy.

Hopefully it will go away without meds because the last thing I need is another med to add to my regimen. The meds I was on before was expensive and a total BITCH to come off of so that really would be my last resort this time.

I am just frustrated right now so I thought why not blog? Thanks for listening to me feel sorry for myself :)

Pictures FINALLY!!!!

FYI- You might want to scroll down to the bottom and turn off my music player before you push play or else you will be listening to 2 songs at once.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

We had such a great time on our trip. We stayed in Playa Del Carmen and it was gorgeous. We seriously laughed and laughed and laughed until our guts hurt. One night I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath I thought I was going to pass out. Every night between dinner and the night show they have a band playing in the courtyard and people mingle and dance or shop when they allow vendors there. Well on the first or second night I can't remember for sure which one but one of those nights we were sitting watching people dance and waiting for the evening performance and all of the sudden Ryan (one of the people that went with us) starts laughing hysterically and told us that one of the guys that was dancing pants fell right to the floor. I looked over just as he finished pulling them up and for some real immature reason I lost it. I was trying so hard not to be noticeable. But the guy just kept on dancing like nothing had happened. I couldn't look at him in the face the rest of the trip.

The first night we got there we got there in time for dinner so we unpacked and went down to dinner. After dinner we checked out the resort a little and although it was dark we still walked down to the ocean and enjoyed the waves. We also met some people from Colorado and we stayed friends with them throughout the stay there. They were older but they had the souls of children. They were alot of fun. We went up and watched their evening entertainment and then we hung out at their sports bar that is open 24 hours and played pool for a while. We were alot younger than most of the people there. This particular resort was a very mellow resort with alot of stuffy european people. But we still had a blast and we didn't care too much about what others thought.

The second day we decided to take the day and unwind and just enjoy the beach and the ocean. I finally got Rick to go and play in the waves with us. We also walked down the beach past other resorts and also other resorts that are in the same chain too. Our resort was by far the most beautiful one. Although they are all nice and I would have stayed at any of them. We ate lunch at one of the restaurants that is an open air restaurant and it was so pleasant. All of the lunches are buffet style unless you order room service. We got sick of the buffet by the time we left but we just ordered room service and it was yummy and light. We ate dinner in the buffet this night too. After dinner we went down to the beach and hung out on the hammocks. It was romantic and relaxing.

The third day we decided to go to 5th Ave. This is where the Marina is and all of the shopping. They have some hotels here and a public beach. Lots of fun but we got really tired of being haggled by excursion people and the shopkeepers. They wouldn't barter at all which we found out the reason was because of the wristbands we were wearing. They told us that we were staying at the nicest place and that we were rich and famous americans. We just laughed because we are anything but. So we didn't get the greatest of deals. We went back to our resort and did reservations for dinner the for the next two days.

The fourth day we slept in and ordered room service and were lazy which was sooooooooo soooooooooo sooooooooo and did I say soooooooooooo nice :) We met with our travel guy that hangs out in the hotel to make sure our needs are met. We decided to book an ATV excursion with him for the next day. We then went and checked out this mini mall place just up the street from our hotel to find a backpack for our excursion. The first few places wanted a fortune for a stupid backpack. We finally found one for $10 after seeing the same one in another store for $20. We swam in the ocean again and wiped ourselves out. We went back to our rooms and got dressed up for our first dinner. We went to a real fancy Japanese restaurant. We ate alot of sushi and salmon and other thing we weren't sure what they were. I thought it was yummy. Rick could have done without.

The fifth day we had to be out to the lobby at 7:45 am to start our excursion so we ordered room service for breakfast and got ready and was picked up by this maniac driver that scared the living hell out of me. We showed up to this dive of a place to start our excursion. We got on our 4 wheelers and had to drive them on the highway right next to semis and trucks and cars. Going mach 10 down the road we finally hit a dirt road that took us into the jungle. One would think that once we hit the dirt road we would slow down a little. Oh no not us we drove on the worst dirt road with pits in the road the size of a lake going faster that I have ever drove a 4wheeler before. It was nerve wrecking but fun too. We ended up parking our bikes and hiking a short distance to this shack in the jungle. This is where we were harness up to do 3 different ziplines. We all did the first one except shannon because she is preggo and didn't want to risk it. Ryan and I did the second one and by the third one Ryan was the only one brave enough to do it. After we were done with the ziplines we went to a cenote this is basically a cave that has fresh water in it. We swam in it for a bit. It was cold but also refreshing. The water was beautiful crystal clear. After that we got back on our bikes and drove like crazy people back to where we started. After we got back we had enough time to shower and get fancy for our dinner. We went to a Rodizio Grill type of restaurant and everyone thought it was good.

One the sixth day I woke up super sore and we all slept in and ordered room service again. Then we decided to get up and catch a boat to Cozumel. We got over there and shopped and checked the place out a little. I forgot my camera so I had to buy a disposable. I am still waiting to get those pics back. We didn't get over there in time to really check out the whole Island but it was a fun experience anyway. We got back a little late but enough time to hit the buffet for dinner. We didn't really feel like watching the show so we wandered down to the beach again and hid from some rain under coconut trees. It was a blast. We hung out in the sportsbar again this night because it was to rainy to hang outside.

On the seventh day we decided to take a walk down to some local ruins. I took pics I am still waiting for these pics. It was cool they were small but the history was there. There was these weird animal there too that looked like rats without tails and they were ten times the size of a rat too. I tried to get pics but they didn't turn out too well. There were alot of lizards too. We went back to our rooms for a bit to start some packing and then decided we had to pick up a couple more souvenirs so we walked down to the little mall and got them. We hung out at the beach the rest of the day and had dinner at the infamous buffet again. We chilled and enjoyed our last night in the courtyard.

On the last day we slept in a bit and finished packing everything up and left the hotel at noon. That is 11:00 am in Utah time. Our flight was delayed and very long. After we got our kids picked up and home it was past 9:00 pm Utah time. It was a long trip home. But here we are :) Hopefully we will get to do another trip like this again sometime. I came back feeling great and alot more relaxed.

we are coming home....

Well we are flying home today. We have had an amazing time an I can't wait to blog about it when I get back. I have tons of pictures that I will post. I am just anxious to get home to my kids and love on them. So I will blog later. Hopefully my computer is fixed and I can get it back soon because I won't have internet at home without it. Ta Ta for now!

oops

I posted pics on my other blog so go over to www.removingthefatsuit.blogspot.com I will fix it later but my laptop is almost out of battery.

I have pictures

I'm a liar! I can't seem to get blogger to cooperate with me so I will try later!

I have some pics for you guys. It is so hard to take pictures when you are having such a great time but I have a couple to share. Yesterday we went to what they call 5th ave. It is miles of shops and marinas and brick roads. we had alot of fun but these mexicanos are annoying. The damn near pull youar arms off to make you come into their little shops.

Last night we hung around the hotel and watched there programs. They had all the little kids from the hotel and dressed up as different characters. Then they had three of the employees dressed up like spiderman, superman, and the guy from the matrix. The guy that dressed up as the matrix is FLAMING gay. He is hilarious. He just looks like he is always enjoying his job. We ended up the night dancinng in the courtyard. So romantic :)

Today we are going to relax in the beach and we might go down to some local ruins. They are within walking distance so we can take a jaunt down there when we feel like it.

We ate frog legs......

So we are having so much fun. We played on the beach yesterday and just stayed at our resort. The food is really yummy and we even dared each other to eat some fried frog legs. I wouldn't say that I will be craving them or anything but they weren't horrible. Last night our hotel had a mariachi band and it was a lot of fun to watch them. After that was over we went down to the beach and played on the hammocks. It was so relaxing. Today we are going to 5th ave and shop and check out the area.

I'm here!!!!!

This place is absolutly the most gorgeous place I have ever been. I just wanted to let you all know that I am here and safe and I will update more later.

2 more days!!!!

I can't believe our trip is finally here. Tomorrow the boys will be picked up by my mom and dad after they get off work and I won't see them again until next Saturday night. I hope they have a great time without us. I am sure they will. They have already informed us that they will not miss us. They are such stinkers. I know they will miss me they just don't want to admit it.

I am a nervous wreck. I always get nervous when I have to leave my babes. That is until I get to where I am going and then I can usually settle in.

I am taking my laptop so check in for updates on our week. I just set up my laptop so I can download pics too. So I will take lots of pics and post some for ya'll.

This is the last time I will post until we get there and get settled. This computer will be going to the doctor aka Brian while we are gone. So hopefully when I get back my computer will stop freezing on me and I won't have to restart it 5 times a day.

Anyway I will post later peeps!

Wierd dreams and family updates

Okay I had the weirdest dream last night and I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I dreamt that I ate silly putty and it was stuck in my guts and I couldn't even remember eating it. So what do you guys think that dream meant?

Anyway my ticker says only 4 more days till I'm sittin on the beach soaking up the rayz :) I don't think I am ever going to get everyone packed in time. I have been packing for a week straight already but I can't seem to get organized. I can't focus because I just want to go already!

I guess I better do an update on the family. Let's see Adam is doing well. I just signed him up for basketball so he is excited for that. A couple days ago I had a neighbor come over and introduce their new roommates and they had a little boy about Adam's age and asked if Adam wouldn't mind playing with him. Well Adam was at school so I told them to come back when he got home from school. So after school I told adam about him and instead of Adam waiting for him to come by Adam just went over there and introduced himself and they played for hours. I was real proud of him for two reasons one is because he is the type of person that doesn't even hesitate to befriend someone and the second reason is because he has no fear. At his age I would have been so scared to even meet a new friend let alone to just go up and introduce myself. He is such a sweetheart (well....most of the time).

Deshawn is a trooper. He is doing real well in school. We have increased his meds a little to help out with some more of his anxieties. He does really seem to be doing better with that. The school called last week and they are concerned with his fine motor skills so they are going to be testing him soon and deciding if he needs more services. Hopefully we will be hearing soon from them on that. He is reading a little too. He has learned some sight words and he is just starting to recognize them. We are really proud of how hard he works.

Parker is our little book worm. He has picked up on some reading. He loves to read and is always interested in writing words that he knows and showing off how well he can read. The only thing I have to compare him with is Adam and I know he wasn't reading even when he left kindergarten. So I think Parker is doing well. He is such a sweetie and we love him very much.

Rick has been working alot lately. His regular job has slowed down a little but we have had some friends that have needed his services. He finished up his last project last night and can't wait to hit the beach. I hate it when he has to do these little jobs but I have been able to save up some money for christmas shopping and it puts my mind at ease on whether or not Santa will be visiting us :)

As for me I have been a busy mama. I have been trying to get things ready for our trip and I have decided it is alot of work to pack a family of 5 for 1 week when we are all going in different directions. My health is doing well. I went to the doc a couple weeks ago and all my bloodwork looks good. There was concern about my blood pressure because everytime I go in my BP is up. I told him everytime I test at home it is fine. So I brought my monitor to his office and had it tested with his machine and my BP was fine. So we determined that I am just scared of my doctor :) My A1C (this is a test where they can read what your avg bloodsugar for the previous couple months) was where it needed to be. So I think I will make it another month.

Wow this post was long. I hope ya made it to the end :)

I guess I am not the only one excited

I have decided that the boys are just as excited to be getting rid of us as we are to get rid of them next weekend. As I mentioned a couple of posts ago I dug out our suitcases and decided who was getting which one. Well the two youngest decided their suitcases had to stay in their rooms. So of course I could understand that and let them put their suitcases in their closets. That was a few days ago and yesterday I was helping Dee clean his room and I went to push the suitcase out of my way with my foot and it felt like I slammed my foot into a rock. I opened it up and he already has clothes and shoes and some toys all packed and ready to go. Of course I will leave them until I am ready to really pack them up. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

So after I thought about it some more. I thought that maybe Parker may have done the same thing. Well I was right. The funny thing is Parker had packed pullups and like 20 pair of underwear but no clothes. How cute is that? I guess you can never have too many pair of underwear right?

I just love my boys!

I got my sticker!

Well me and Parker went to the polls this morning to cast my very first vote ever. I was supposed to vote in the presidential election when Bush won the presidency but I ended up taking my mom to the ER and we were there too late for me to vote so this year I was excited to go.

The weirdest thing happened to me this morning. I was set on who I was going to vote for and nothin was changin my mind but when I got up this morning I decided to say a little prayer in my heart to help me decide whom I wanted to vote for and I ended up voting for someone else. I am not naming names because I am private with my political thoughts but I feel like it was the best decision.

It's weird though there is only one person that I voted yes to that I felt absolutely positively 100% sure that my vote was the right decision. He is the judge that did our adoption. He is a great guy with a very compassionate heart. I am not sure how he can be with all the horrible things he sees everyday but he is an excellent judge.

Anyway I encourage all of you to vote today!

Sugar highs and wrappers everywhere!

This weekend was CRAZY. The boys were so hyped with sugar all weekend. I thought I was going to go crazy but by sunday afternoon the sugar highs hit the sugar lows and our boys were beat. It was hilarious. Dee disappeared and we finally found him sound asleep on the couch in our living room. It was only 4:00 and he was done with the day. The other boys woke him up playing around and he was pretty upset. I tried to keep him awake so we could get some dinner in him. He finally started moving again and got some dinner but he was moving pretty slow. We put the kids to bed at 8:30 and didn't hear a peep from them after that. I had to peel them out of bed this morning too. Funny what a butt load of sugar can do.

So if you have noticed my ticker for my trip says only 12 days left to go. This is pretty much the only thing on my mind right now. I am just ready to pack up and go now. I still feel really blessed to be able to go on this trip. This is something that we need desperately. Rick has worked really hard this year. We both have been stressed about money and healthcare and kids. It will just be nice to get away and pretend that none of those other probs even exist. None of this would even be possible without Rick's boss aka brother and we are really, really grateful.

So I have dug out our suitcases and now I am trying to decide which ones we are going to need and which ones the kids are going to take. Plus I have started to make a list of things that I can't forget. I did find out there is a Wal.mart real close to where we are staying so if we forget anything I am sure we can pick it up there.

Hopefully this week will be uneventful. Last week was so busy that I got behind in things and I would like this week to catch up. I am having a S.entsy party this weekend and I have to get ready for that. Plus I might end up watching my sisters kids on saturday night. Anywho I keep babbling on so I will stop boring ya!

trick or treating with no cavities....

Well the boys all went to the dentist today and they all were cavity free. THANK GOODNESS! I cannot handle it when they have to get their cavities filled. It makes me feel like I am going to pass out and puke all at the same time. I just have this wierd anxiety about the dentist. It is bad when I am the patient but when my boys are the patient I am a disaster. I know I am a dork!

Anyway I am glad we went to the dentist before halloween :) I would hate to see what happens after they eat all of this candy. Not to mention we have the holidays coming up. I am pretty sure their next check up will not be so nice :)

Good job boys!

Halloween fun!

So here we are in all of our glory. We had our annual Ivie family halloween party tonight. We had a great time and a great turn out. It was fun to see the fam again. The Ivie family is my side of the family. I love spending time with my Aunts,uncles, cousins and so on. Our family is CRAZY and I love every one of them.

Pics below are my cuties. Adam thought it would be funny to be hanna.h montana this year and it was pretty funny. Dee was optimus prime and Parker was Iro.n man. I threw together a zombie costume. We had a great night and are looking forward to trick or treating on friday.

pumpkin patch time

Me and my sister decided to take our kids to the pumpkin patch today since they were out of school for teacher development day. I think this year was the best time I had there. The crowds were small and the kids are all old enough that I don't have to worry about where they are all at. Here are a couple of pics from my sisters camera (oops forgot mine)

Tag

Okay Jeanna I thought it might be fun to do your tag. If anyone else who reads my blog wants to do it go for it. Let me know if you do it so I can make sureI read yours.

1. Did you date someone from high school? I had the same boyfriend from 8th grade to 11th grade off and on I think we broke up and got back together about ten times in those years. We even hooked up for a couple months after high school right before me and Rick started dating.

2. What kind of car did you drive? A cute little white Hyundai excel hatchback. Man I had some good times in that car. Until I totaled it when me and rick were dating. He was such a good boyfriend I didn't replace my car for at least a month or so and he toted me around the whole time. We got engaged shortly after and then we bought the next car together.

3. What was the most embarrassing moment of high school for you? probably when me and my twin sister went to a school dance together with our boyfriends and we were in line and I reach down to grab my boyfriends hand and realized I was holding my sisters boyfriends hand OOPS!

4. Were you a party animal? Who me....... NEVER!

5. Were you considered a flirt? ABSOLUTELY nothing has changed I have always been flirtatious

6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? I played violin for a whole year but that is about it. I took piano lessons when I was a teen for awhile. But I am no expert by any means.

7. Were you a nerd? I hope not. J/K I was just normal. I got along with every type of person.

8. Were you on any varsity teams? Nope I didn't have too much school pride :)

9. Did you ever get suspended/expelled? No thanks goodness

10. Can you still sing the fight song? Wow I haven't even thought about that song for a long time since I haven't been in high school on over 13 years.

11. Who were your favorite teachers? None. I had a serious attitude problem in high school. The most important things to me in high school were friends and my boyfriend. I wish now I would have taken it more seriously.

12. Where did you sit during lunch? Usually in the halls. We could take our lunches in the halls and eat them. Then sometime we used to pile 10 of us into my boyfriends car and go to hardees for lunch.

13. School mascot? BRUINS!

14. Did you go to Homecoming? Yes With whom? yeswith the boyfriend I had. He is in every school dance picture I have. What a waste since I had several other guys that wanted to take me out but I would never break up with "him"

15. If you could go back and do it again, would you? parts YES, parts NO

16. What do you remember most about graduation? I wore shorts under my gown and put dress shoes on so it looked like I had a dress on :)

17. Where did you go for Senior Skip Day? We never had a senior skip day

18. Were you in any clubs? No

19. Have you gained some weight since then? Who hasn't

20. Who was your prom date? None other than the ex.

21. Reunions: been to any? No I am not really that type of person.

22. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself? Get rid of the boyfriend and have some fun. Also to remember that high school does not have to be so dramatic.

I think he is gunna make it

Well I think we a have a dog on the mend now. He is absolutely back to his lovely self again and he is driving us NUTS! He seriously won't stop barking. He wants to be able to go back in to his kennel outside and I am not ready to let him out there yet. Plus Roxy (his mom) and buddy shared 2 kennels that we put together but now we have separated them to their own and I don't think he is going to like that. They usually have so much fun together but we need to keep them separate for at lease a month. We need to make sure Roxy hasn't been infected with it too. So I am happy that all of my sleepless nights have paid off. Now we just have to keep our fingers crossed that the other dogs won't come down with it. If we can make it until next wednesday without any more sicky dogs then I think we are out of the woods.

I also got some good news. I know I mentioned before how I was going to write to the pharmaceutical company for my insulin. Well I received word that they are going to give me my insulin for the next year. I already picked up three months worth. This is a HUGE relief.

Anyway TGIF and I hope everyone has a great weekend!

another day down...

Well we have made it another day. Today when I first woke up I didn't think buddy was doing very well but by this afternoon he was perking up. I finally was able to get some food in him. My vet told me to give him cottage cheese and white rice mixed. Well he would have none of that. I looked on the net to see what I could give him and found no help so I thought I would just try a little tuna. Well that was it. He only ate a little but it got his hunger going so I went and bought some baby food and some canned chicken and mixed some tuna, chicken, cottage cheese and a little rice. NOPE! He didn't want that so next I decided he really needed the protein the most so I just gave him a mixture of tuna and chicken and that was the magical mixture. I have given this to him 3 times and he has eaten it up every time so hopefully his little guts process this well. I am sick of cleaning up doggy diarrhea.

Now we have another problem now that he is not lethargic he has found his little barker. He has barked and barked and barked and barked. He wants to be loved on but I won't let the boys love on him because I am afraid they won't get all of the germies off of them and then proceed to pass those said germies on our other furry babies. So we are stuck with a dog barking and driving us nuts but hey I am proud of how well he is doing. I know the odds were not in his favor but I was very persistent and hopefully he will make a full recovery. I know we are still not out of the woods yet but I know we have felt all of your prayers and love so thanks and still keep us in your prayers for a little while longer.

still hangin on

Well our little guy is still hanging on. I am completely exhausted. I guess when "we" decided to treat buddy at home it meant that "I" would do all of the work. I seriously had 3 hour of sleep the night before last and I had maybe 4 last night.

I had to stay up till 11:00pm to give him his meds. After I gave him his meds I crawled in bed and I got the worst cramps ever (sorry TMI) So I decided to get up and take some Ibuprofen. After I got up I ended up getting the worst low blood sugar so it took me until 1:00am to get settled from that. So I got in bed and I hear a splatter in the bathroom where buddy is. So I ran in there and he had gotten out of the shower and pooed and peed on my bathroom floor instead of the shower so cleanup was a nightmare. If you have ever had a dog that has parvo you will never forget the smell of their poo. OMG it is awful. I feel so bad for him.

After I got all of that cleaned up I got back in bed and at 3:30am I got the worst diarrhea (sorry again TMI). I think I am just stressed and lack of sleep interrupted my system. I am really tired and really wish I could go back to bed today but I now have 3 sick kids that stayed home from school so I have to play sick maid to them. I have to go grocery shopping so bad, I haven't showered in 3 days, my dishes haven't been done for 2 days I would die if anyone came over right now. I think I just need you all to send me some energy vibes today.

Buddy has parvo

Oh my gosh it is 1:40am and I have just gotten back from the vet. Our sweet little buddy has parvo. He was fine yesterday and today he has been throwing up all day. I thought he might just have a bug or maybe ate something bad but after reading the horrible internet stories I thought maybe he might have it but he had no blood in his stool. Then the last clue surfaced its ugly head and I knew. I just broke down and cried. It was around 11:00pm when that happened and I immediatley called the vet and they told me to bring him right in. I was seriously crying the whole time. They gave him a IV under his skin and they filled his skin up so it could slowly hydrate him. Then we decided on at home care so they finally let me take him home and do a home treatment.

I need everyone to please say a prayer for buddy and our other dogs. The other dogs so far have no signs but it can take up to 10 days so we are going to have to watch them. In the meantime we have to bleach everything. Roxy is in our shed right now and she is not liking it and Bailey is in my office sound asleep and has no idea that anything is wrong. That is until the morning when we won't let her out. We even have to bleach our yard.

Okay here is the thing that really pisses me off. Alot of our neighbors let their dogs out at night to roam. Thus they get into my yard which is where my dogs play and infect it with their nasty diseases. We have lived here for awhile and always had dogs and never had this problem. Recently though me and some of the other neighbors have noticed alot of dogs roaming in our nieghborhood. I think that I am going to have to put a stop to it. I am going to start calling animal control on them. I hate to do that but it is not fair for people that keep their dogs put up to have to shell out tonz of money on vet bills and then ultimately have their pets die.

Adam is upset to say the least. He was so loving and nurturing to him all day. He was so worried and concerned. I am very proud of how well he is handling it. I think he may have said at least 20 prayers by now.

Buddy is in my shower (easier cleenup) sound asleep right now. Hopefully we can keep him hydrated and get him back to health.

***UPDATE***

It's now 2:30am I can't sleep I keep worrying about all my dogs. I think I might be in constant tears for the next 10 day until I know that everything is okay. I should know in the next four days if buddy is going to make it but it is going to take ten days before I know if my other dogs got it. The hardest thing about this is if my other dogs get it I don't know if we will be able to afford treatments for my other babies. THIS SUCKS SO BAD!!!!

Sad but true...

I got this in an email today. I thought it was funny :)

wonderful weekend!

Well those of you that live in utah know that we got pounded with rain. Lots of it actually. Of course this meant there was no yard work or outside projects to be done. So what else is there to do? SLEEP :)

We did do a garbage dump run first thing on saturday morning. It was wet and yucky but we had to get a load of construction mess out of the yard. Then we all came home and Rick and Adam went to get a dog house for Buddy and then they went and visited with Rick's grandparents. The younger 2 and I stayed home and wrestled around and made paper airplanes which I do have to say I can make a mean airplane.

After Rick came home I was exhausted and decided since it was a rainy day I would go lay down with my window open and enjoy an afternoon nap listening to the rain. It was absolutely the best Saturday afternoon I have had in a long time. Rick even did a pretty decent job of keeping the boys out. Although I did get a little stirred when I felt a little kiss on my cheek. I am not sure which one it was but I think it was Dee. LOVED IT! Then I drifted back into a slumber.

Sunday was a pretty laxed day too. I slept in and decided to throw the sheets into wash and pick up a little. Nothing to strenuous I didn't want to break a sweat or anything. The boys played and played and watched them some NASCA.R.

My sis called and asked me to go shopping in the afternoon. And who can resist some Sunday afternoon shopping. Not me :) So we went and took her little guy with us (FYI he was not happy with us twards the end of the trip) I got a real cute shirt from Maurice's. Then the mall closed on us so we went over to target and hit their 75% off sale racks and I got 3 shirts that totalled $9. They will be cute for Mexico. Shopping was a great way to end the weekend.

Purple ***UPDATED***

So my all time favorite color is purple. It was my grandfathers favorite color and I think I always liked it because it reminds me of him. My grandmother also loved purple lilacs. I am pretty sure that this is why purple has always been my favorite color. They were amazing people. They were a huge part of my life growing up.

So I was watching a show called shear genius and there was a hairstylist that put this amazing shade of purple in one of the clients hair and I absolutely loved it and decided I wanted to do that to my hair. So I finally talked my very conservative(love ya shan) hairdresser/sister into putting the color in my hair. I LOVE IT!

I know it was out of her comfort zone to do it but I wanted to do it real bad. Anyway I tried to take a pic but you couldn't see it very good so sorry no pic. I also did an all over color that is a shade darker than what I have been doing. It is basically a real dark brown.

I used to work for a bank and for years I was not able to do anything too outrageous so I figure I don't work and I am basically home most of the time so why not. Rick likes it mostly because he likes seeing me have fun so like I said why not.



This is kindof what it looks like. Except I have short hair and she is way cuter than me :)






***UPDATED***

I thought I would post the pics. You can't see too well but if you click on the pic you can see a little better.

Well.....

I lost my insurance. It sucks but I am trying to not let it get me down. I am frustrated but I will just have to figure out what to do next.

I am not usually a political person (I know I should probably be) but this years election and my health insurance issues have really brought to light the real issues we are facing. For the average joe the average cost of health insurance is outrageous. For someone with a chronic illness is is unreachable. My husband works in construction so there is no insurance. We tried to get a private plan and we were denied by a couple and the ones that would accept us I believe the grand total would have been over $3000 a month. So yeah that didn't and couldn't happen. I mean I guess we could have lived on the streets and had excellent health care but I think a roof over the head is much more important.

The sad thing is I did nothing to cause my diabetes and I feel like I am being punished for it. I work hard to keep it under control and I still have to have my meds. I don't understand why the government allows insurance companies to get away with it. They charge way too much for medications and lets not forget about the doctor visits. I have to have them to live yet pharmaceutical companies are charging whatever they damn well want. Where is the government in all of this. I personally think their hand is in the cookie jar somewhere. The government won't help me and they let insurance companies deny me coverage and they also let pharmaceutical companies charge me outrageous amounts of money for my meds. It is a loose loose situation.

When I hear McCain talk about throwing out cash to everyone for healthcare I just laugh because that does nothing for the chronically ill people out there. We can't get insurance. The insurance companies deny us.

Rick says that Obama wants to govern all the healthcare and that the government will have all the say as far as what meds you get to take and what doctors you can see. Well for me I say at least I am getting healthcare. It may not be exactly what I want but at least it is better than nothing. Like I say I am not a very political person but I have never been in the situation I am in now.


Sorry about the ranting I am just worked up. I know there are alot of other people out there that are in worse situations than me. I know it will all work out. Right now I have written the pharmaceutical company that supplies my insulin and I am asking them to give me assistance with my insulin. I will hopefully hear from them soon. My mom is going to hook me up with test strips. The oral meds I take are on Walmarts $4 plan so I will only have to pay $40 for 3 month supply of that. Walgreens has a walgreens brand syringe that is only $17 for a 3 month supply. I might have to change doctors which kindof sucks because it takes alot for me to be comfortable with a doctor but he charges like $300 a visit and it is not doable. There is a clinic that is alot less money that I might be able to go to. So as long as I can get assistance with my insulin I won't have to go back to work for awhile. So I am asking all of my faithful readers to please pray or send out some good vibes for me.

Thanks for listening!

Double digits!

Well my Adam has hit the double digits. I really can't hardly believe he is 10 years old already. He is an amazing guy and he is such an amazing part of this family. He was my miracle baby that took me over 2 years to get and I will never forget how grateful and blessed I felt when he was born.

He had a great birthday party today. He sent out 16 invites to friends at school and then I invited my side of the family. My sister is the only one from my family that showed up with kids and she only has 2. So you would think plan for maybe half of the invites right? Oh no, not when it comes to Adam my little socialite. I made goodie bags and planned on 20 kids. I wanted to make sure just incase they all came that I would have enough. Well every single goodie bag was taken. So not only did all of the 16 people show up from school but my sisters 2 kids and 2 extras not sure which ones they were but there were extra's. How funny! There were even 3 girls that showed up.

We went to good ole IHO.P for dinner. Adams choice. He wanted Micky D's at first but we finally talked him into something a little less greasy. Then I took him to get a leash for his puppy and a new playstation game. His birthday money was burning a hole in his pocket. He got around $70 today and he still hasn't got money from my sis and all of Ricks fam so I am sure he will find something good to spend his moo la on.

He is really not my baby anymore :( He is growing so fast and it's exciting and scary all at the same time.

Well he didn't quite cry....

We decided to let Adam have his present early because I was feeling bad because the puppy was not getting attention from Adam. Adam and his best neighborhood friend who got our last pup have been giving all their attention to the friends dog and no attention to Adam's dog.

So after talking about it we decided to go ahead and give it to him. We snuck the pup in the house and gave it him. He was so excited. He didn't know whether or not to believe it was his at first. He didn't quite cry but I did see a little tear.

So Adam and his friend are having a sleepover in the backyard with their puppies. They are simply adorable :)

I thought I would post some other fun pics of the boys. I have some of Dee and Parker at their soccer game last week. We also have some pics of the boys getting their hair done. I also took a pic of Parker, Daddy and Bailey snoozing away after a long day :)



All tuckered out!




What a stud




What is my mom making me do?




My aunt Shanda doing my hair.




look how cute!




Parker Mr. Goalie




Dee waiting to play



I have a a video of last weeks soccer game. They are so fun to watch at this age!



For some reason the sound is not matching up with the image but I am sure you can get the jist of it.

What's a mom to do?

Well we had another Dee incident today. I let him go play in the backyard this afternoon so he could play with the puppies and I was out there with him for a minute and came in the house to make a quick phone call and walked back out to check on him and there was no Dee and no puppies. So at first I am pissed and I search the whole neighborhood and he is nowhere. So I went back in the house thinking maybe he came back in the house but of course no he is not. So I am no longer pissed at this point I am FREEKING OUT and I decide to go out and check our trailer and the trailer was locked so I checked that off the list and decide to do a neighborhood backyard check and he is still nowhere by this point the tears are flowing and I am shaking to death. Then I thought well maybe he is in the trailer and locked himself in. So I go to the trailer and knock on the door and scream at Dee to open the door if he was in there. I tried to look in the window but of course the blinds are all closed. I still have no idea where he could possibly be and I am in complete hysterics. I ran in the house to call Rick and the whole time I am screaming Deshawn's name (note the throat is killing me now) I finally get Rick on the phone and I can barely speak. My throat was sore and I felt like I was going to pass out and then I decided maybe he might be hiding in the trailer because I could swear I didn't lock it last time I was in there. So I found the keys after ripping my house apart to find them and I ran out to the trailer. Just as I open the door my neighbors come over in a complete panic because they can hear me breaking down and I look in the trailer and screamed Deshawns name one more time and what do I hear? Ah yes a little tiny voice saying "what". I completely broke down mind you my husband is on the phone while all of this is going on. Poor guy there was nothing he could do but I just felt better having him trying to calm me down.

If there is one kid in the world that can make you feel like a complete disaster as a mother it is Dee. I love him so much but he tries me so hard. I can't tell sometimes if I am helping him or hurting him. I seriously yelled at him so hard when I found him. It made me feel so bad. Like scum of the earth but I was so scared and frustrated.

Needless to say we are all doing much better this evening and hopefully I didn't cause permanent damage to my child by having a nervous breakdown.

My grandbabies are gone....

We decided it was time to find our puppies a new home. We decided to advertise on one of our local free classifieds and well they were literally gone in 10 minutes. Can you believe it. Here is the best part I had one female and 4 males left that we still had to find homes for and the person that ended up getting all (yes all) works for a group that helps low income families acquire pets. How great is that? The puppies are not being sold or used to make money they are just going to families that really want a pet and can't afford ridiculous prices. It makes me really happy. I am still sad to see them go but I can't keep them all. We had one other person come and get their little guy and one more picking up their girl tonight. So we still have the chocolate(adam's surprise) and one more female that our neighbors have dibs on so I think they all are placed yeah. Best of all it only took 10 minutes :)

To work or not to work......

So I have been toying with the idea of going back to work. Of course I would have to work at nights or weekends because my kids come first. I have been able to get assistance for my meds and if they don't renew me I will have to go back to work so I can get some benefits. Unfortunately I am deemed uninsurable on private plans because of my diabetes and the only way for me to get coverage is to get on a plan with a business because they can't deny me that way.

It kindof bums me out because I already feel stretched thin sometimes and this will probably push me over the edge but I have tried to figure our budget and after bills and other monthly expenses we are only left with $5oo to deal with anything that comes up (yeah I know we are living on a tight budget but it its what you do when you want to raise your kids on your own)and when I added up what our meds will cost (me and dee) it was like $486 a month. So $24 is just not enough to cut it unfortunately :)

I am not opposed to working. I actually get excited at the prospects of getting out and being with grown ups again but I feel like I am being pushed into right now. I really want to wait until they are all in school fulltime (next year). I still may be able to get renewed and hold off for another year but I am not counting on it.

I have also been toying with the idea of going back to school. I already have a Medical assisting degree but I have never done anything with it and alot of the medical facilities around here don't really utilize MA's. So I have to make some decisions about what I want to be when I grow up :)

On other news, I really like the schedule with the boys' schooling. Dee goes in the morning and Parker in the afternoon. There is alot less fighting and the atmosphere is pretty calm during the day. I think the boys like it too. They are happy to see each other and are playing real well when they all unite in the afternoon.

The boys are all still in soccer. They have 2 games left and then Adam will be starting football. I am so proud of my boys. They love to be active (a little too much sometimes) and I am grateful for that. I hope they will stay active in sports because #1 I think sports can be very important for them when they are in their teens and #2 I think it helps their self esteem.

Well this is turning into a lot longer post than I had anticipated so I think I will go now.

They are so cute!!!

Okay people I have six more puppies that need good homes so if you know anyone in Utah that wants a puppy or 2 we are not going to charge for these pups because we want to make sure we can find good homes for them. We have had their dew claws removed but we have decided to not do any of the shots since we are not charging for them.

Okay so I have a secret so anyone who reads this and knows my oldest son Adam you can't tell him. We are keeping one of the chocolate labs for his birthday present. He has begged and begged to keep one and we keep telling him no. But we finally decided that he was responsible enough to care for him. He knows I have a soft spot in my heart for the chocolate ones because the dog I had growing up was a chocolate lab and I just love them. So he keeps telling me we should have one of those but I told him that a girl I used to work with at the bank came and picked the puppy out while he was at school. Then I am going to send the pup away for a couple days and tell Adam that she came and got him. He is going to be so excited when he opens the present. I wouldn't be surprised if he cried. We will have to see.



Adam and one of the girl puppies we named stitch




This little guy is Adams SURPRISE!




Parker being attacked!




Cute little guy!




Dirty nose too cute!





HELLO way too adorable!

I know, I know

I have been a blogger slacker. I think I just haven't had too much to say so I have just let my blog go. We had a nice labor day weekend. We stayed home this year in hopes to get our deck completed but if you live in Utah then you know what happened to our weather. It dumped HARD! It was crazy the amount of rain we got. So we hit up a couple sales and bought some summer clothes for our trip in November. But we pretty much just relaxed and chilled most of the weekend. Other than that there is not too much to report. The kids are good I am still dieting(yuck) and Rick is always busy.

I promised you all some pictures!

Okay so I finally have the chance to post a few pictures. I have some from our camping trip and a couple from the first day of kindergarten.

First Day of Kindergarten!

Well the boys start kindergarten today. I am totally blown away at how fast time has flown. It seems like I was just changing 2 sets of diapers just yesterday and now look at how independent my little guys are. They are so excited which makes me excited too. I will post pics later when I get a free moment.

My baby is 5 !!!!!!!

They grow up too fast


Well it's official my baby is 5 today. I am truly blessed to have a son like Parker. He is my little monkey and my saving grace too. His personality is so sweet and he is an amazing brother. Somehow he knows that Deshawn needs more patience and he is always able to be the one to "give in" when there is an argument with them. He is also a MONKEY. He is a child filled with no fear whatsoever. He is a climber and a jumper. The things he says sometimes just makes you wonder what is going through that little head of his. We love you very much Parker. We are so happy you are part of our family.

Parker's Birthday Bash!

Well I would say the birthday bash was a success. We were celebrating 6 birthdays all for the month of august. We figured it would be better than getting together 6 separate times. I think all of my nephews and nieces loved their party. Happy Birthday Kyler, Aubrey, Garrett, Parker, Carson and Hailey !!!!!!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Last week of summer vacation!

So this is the last week of summer vacation around here. Adam starts school on Monday and the little boys will be having their kindergarten evaluations during that week then they will begin the next monday.

I really can't tell you how much I am looking forward to getting them back to school and having more structure. I think they are all sick of each other too. This year I have Dee going to AM kindergarten and Parker in the PM kindergarten. This will give me some good one on one with them. I figure I can work on homework with Parker in the mornings and in the afternoon when Parker goes to school and Dee gets home I can work with Dee on his homework. Then when they all get home I can help Adam with his homework in the evening.

This all sounds good in theory and hopefully it will work out. Kindergarten is a big step for the boys. They will learn how to read this year(hopefully). They are both use to going to preschool so I am sure they will handle the transition well.

In other news we are leaving for a overnighter camping trip this weekend. One last hoorah before school starts. We are taking my little car again since it is far and my car gets like 31 miles per gallon. Last time we took the truck it cost us over $200 in gas and gas prices have gone up since then. I sometimes wonder why we even have that stupid truck anymore. The only time we ever drive it is to pull our trailer. But in the meantime it sits there and costs us $450 a month in payments and another $50 in insurance. It's a diesel engine so the gas for diesel is outrageous and we never want to take it.

Also in other news we are having Parker's birthday party on Wednesday. His birthday isn't until Monday but we are having a combined birthday party with some of my other nieces and nephews so Wednesday it is. I think they will have a blast. We rented out this place called jumpin jacks. Its a place that has alot of bounce houses and slides and what not. We have rented it out from 7-9pm and we are doing cake, ice cream and presents there too. So all the mess stays there. I still can't believe my "baby" is turning 5.

I am so freekin excited!!!!!

Yesterday we found out that Rick's company is giving us a 7 day trip to the Riviera in Mexico. We aren't going until November so I have to keep my excitement on the down low or I might go insane waiting for three months to go by. We are staying in a 5 star resort all inclusive. Which means everything is paid for. I need a vacation away from my little hellions SO bad. The resort we are staying at looks like a giant palace. How cool is that? I feel very blessed for such a great gift. I just had to share with you all how excited I am.

Go check out their website at: www.riupalacemexico.com

I'm a grandma!!!

Well it's official I am a grandma to 9 adorable puppies. Our Roxy had her pups yesterday and we are all real excited. I feel kindof bad for Roxy because the boys will not leave her alone. They are not allowed in her pen but they go out and stand outside and stare at her and try to stick their hands in to pet them. We have revised her box and now the boys can't reach them. Here are some pics of the mom and new pups.

Goodtimes in Dinosaurland!!

Well we finally made our trip to Dinosaurland (vernal,UT). We had alot of fun and came home pretty tired. It was HOT! I also got a good ole' sunburn too.

So Friday was our busiest day. We woke up and went to breakfast and then we went over to the Utah Field house. I have to say this is one of the best dinosaur museums I have been to. I thought it was a good price and the kids loved it.

After the Field house we went to Dinosaur National Monument. The actual quarry that I had been as a child was closed due to unsafe conditions. I guess they built it on a clay bed and now the building is pulling away from the rock wall it was built on. But they had a visitor center and they had a great hike that led you to actual areas with dinosaur bones in it. The boys had fun trying to find the bones. Word to the wise though. If you ever decide to do this hike in the end of July with temps at about 95 degrees, make sure you have sunscreen (hence the sunburn) and plenty of water because the terrain is desert and those rocks radiate the heat.

After we were done with the hike and visitors center we looked at the map of dinosaurland and noticed at the end of the park (at least the end of the paved part) was the Josie Morris cabin. So we decide to go over to that cabin and have lunch. It was perfect because when we got to the cabin there were picnic tables set up throughout the property so we had a very peaceful and beautiful lunch. The cabin was pretty neat too. Josie built the cabin with the help of her grandson and one of his friends and she lived there and ranched her land with no electricity, water or any amenities. All the while the world was growing quickly. They had cars and airplanes but she didn't want any of that.

Next we thought it would be fun to go fishing. There was a reservoir about 10 minutes from where we were staying. By the time we got there we were tired and we couldn't figure out how to get to the boat harbor so we gave up and went back to where we were staying and got in the pool.

After we were done swimming we showered and went out to dinner. By the time we were done with dinner we were completely exhausted. But we were staying in a tent this trip and it was still flaming hot. We couldn't have slept even if we wanted to. So we stayed up till it cooled maybe 10 more degrees (it was still like 85 degrees) We finally got to sleep.

That was our fullest day of adventure. We got there on Thursday and came home today. We stayed busy on these days too but Friday was our funnest day.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention that I have new carpet coming on Tuesday:) I am so excited. Especially since I came home to dog poo on my carpet. My little dog is litter box trained. She is 6 years old and has been box trained since she was a couple months old. She just HATES it when we leave her and she always poos when we leave just because she is pissed.

As for our other dog, we made it back before she has had her pups so I am glad about that. I want to be here when she has them. She is pretty fat and miserable. So I bet any day now.

Memory Lane!

Here are the directions:

1. Add a comment on my blog, leave a memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember, good or bad but be nice!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

Keep it going. ENJOY!!

decisions were made...

Okay so I finally got a letter from the school district about Deshawns placement. He will be going to a small group kindergarten in the next city over. But as happy as I am about that I am really upset with the school and district still. Yes I got my answers but the way the decision making process goes I was supposed to have a say in the decision and not once was I contacted or asked what my opinion was. Plus he had some IQ test and other testing done in April and I still have not seen any results from that yet. I just feel like they dropped the ball on this one and I am not happy. But I am happy that he will be going to the small group kindergarten. I think I will try to get ahold of someone at the district and see if I can get those results.

When I adopted Deshawn I told myself I will do everything in my power to provide whatever he needed. Even though his bio mom doesn't know what is happening in his life it is important to me that I provide the best I can for all of his needs so maybe one day if she ever meets him she will know that I did everything in my power for him. So she knows how much I appreciate the wonderful gift she gave me.

As far as everything else goes we are doing well. Yesterday was a little interesting though. I had an aunt and uncle visiting yesterday and while we were visiting Parker came in the house screaming and crying and he was in his birthday suit. I at first was like where are your clothes and why are you screaming? Finally he was able to tell me that deshawn had poured gas all over him. I was freaking out. I ran him to the bath tub and started dumping soap all over him and the whole time he was screaming that he was burning. So I scrubbed harder and faster and finally he was fine. My house smelled like gas for a few hour but we survived. I am still trying to figure out what the hell Dee was thinking when he was putting gas all over his brothers body.

Seriously people should I start picking out a room at the looney bin now?

New look!

Okay so I want to say thanks to everyone for the advice you all had for me. I think for the time being I am going to leave the subject alone. I think he will probagly have more questions when the puppies come and we will try to be honest with him but leave out some of the details until later.

Okay so I am trying to figure out how to change the look of my blog a little so you might see my blog changing from time to time until I figure out what I like.

Also I have to vent of course. I still have no idea where Deshawn is going to be going to school. They did a ton of testing on him in April and I still have heard nothing. I have talked to his principle 3 times this summer and yesterday I kindof let him have it. Well in a nice way anyway. I told him that I thought that I was supposed to be part of the decision making process. I also told him that I am upset that I still have no idea what the results of all the testing was. He was really nice and gave me a ton of numbers and people that I need to get ahold of. It just frustrates me because school is starting in 4 weeks and I want to prepare Deshawn for school but I can't because I have no idea where he is going for sure. Plus I feel like the school has really dropped the ball on my son and it makes me mad. That evil protective mother inside of me wants to rear it's ugly head and kick some school district butt.(in the nicest way possible)Hopefully we can get this all straightend out soon.

Advice needed!

Okay people I am at a loss here. Okay I guess I better start this by explaining that my dog was in heat a month or 2 ago and well (you know where I am going with this) the little tramp got out about 5 weeks ago and rick found her one morning across the street flirting with two other dogs and well we think she may be preggo.

Okay so me and Rick are obviously not very happy because they will not be purebred puppies and we know it can be hard to find good homes for them. So hopefully if she is preggo we will be able to find homes for them. Anyway my problem is my son Adam who is almost 10 has been asking "Questions" about how, what, where and why. I have never had "THE TALK" with him yet and I am not quite sure when it is an appropriate age to have "THE TALK" either. I think I have answered the questions he has had enough to satisfy him for now. But he keeps saying he is confused and isn't understanding things. UUHHHGG!! I am not ready for him to know these things yet but I also don't want him confused and drawing his own conclusions either. What do you all think? I really need some advice here because this all new to me and I don't want to screw my kid up any worse than I already have :)

One busy mamma!

Wow I have been busy. I am getting ready for a garage sale that me, my mom and my sister are having at my mom's house. But the good part is I have officially decluttered my office which was REAL bad :)

So the boys and I are going to load up our stuff and head to the grandparents house and have a "sleepover" tonight. It worked out well because Rick had to go out of town to do a job and he won't be back until tomorrow. So we don't have to be alone.

Anyway wish us luck. I am hoping to make some money to put towards out mini-vacation at the end of the month. We will see! Have a great weekend guys.

What a great weekend!

Well we were busy people this weekend. We started our 4th of july weekend out with a family bar b q on friday. Every year on the 4th Rick's family gets together to celebrate the 4th of july. They are there to celebrate the 4th and also it is their grandparents anniversary. His grandma and grandpa are Canadian so when they were married the 4th was not a holiday for them. That is until they moved their family to Utah. So every year since then they get the whole family together on the 4th to celebrate their marriage and the 4th. They have been married 60 something years (I think 64). They are real amazing people. They lived in Canada and farmed and had their family (Rick's mom, aunts and uncles) until the farming was not enough to provide for their family and then they moved to Utah. Ricks grandfather has not been doing very good for the last couple of years and every time I see him he looks sicker and sicker. I hate to see him in the condition he is in.

After the bar b q we went home and napped and then my parents came over and we watched fireworks from my front yard. The kids had fun with the sparklers and little fireworks we lit off before the big fireworks started. I was disappointed with this years fireworks though. They were really short. It surprised me because they are usually pretty good.

Saturday we went around bidding wood so we can get started on our deck. We also went shopping and bought Rick a new outfit to go out that night.

Saturday evening we took the kids to my sisters to stay the night while we stayed in Salt lake. We were celebrating my sister in laws birthday. We went out to dinner at squatters which was really good and the prices were great too. Then we went to port o call and hung out on there patio for a few hours and laughed and laughed and laughed. It felt so great to get away from the kids and chill with some of our closest friends. I think there were like 14 of us. My brother in law bought the girls these ridiculous hats (Go check them out at www.hippowire.com) They were funny. I have the cowboy hat.

We stayed at the little america just down the street. It was a little different from anywhere I have stayed before. It was real victorian. It was different but good. We had a nice ridiculously priced breakfast and then picked up the boys.

The rest of the day was just chillin at home and hugging and loving on the boys. So I would say we had a nice, fun weekend.

off to the ER again!

Well we had a little incident at our house today. From what I can gather (I only get half of the truth) Parker was squirting Adam with the hose and adam got mad and threw a rock at him. Although he says he threw the rock in the air and not at parker. I think he may be bending the truth on that one.

Anyway Adam came in the house screaming that Parker was bleeding on his head. So I ran outside and there was blood everywhere. He was covered from head to toe. I was trying to find where the bleeding was coming from and I finally found this little hole in his forehead. It was not very big but it was deep. So I cleaned him up and Rick came and got the other boys and took them to work with him. Then my mom called and needed me to pick her up from work. So I grabbed her and ran over to the emergency room and had him fixed up. They were able to glue it(thank goodness). When we left the doctor told him that he was the luckiest boy in the ER today because he didn't have to get stitched.

He was real brave and totally adorable and very happy he didn't have to get stitched.

I am not sure if I will survive little boys :)

Tgif!

Hey everyone! Just thought I just drop a note and tell everyone thanks for the kind words on my not so great day this week. Your words mean alot to me.

So Adam's baseball team finished up their season last night. They didn't make it as far as they wanted to but I still think they did awesome. They have improved so much this year and they even took 4th place in the city league. I am so proud of him. He has matured so much in his baseball skills and attitude.

Well I better go. I hope everyone has a great weekend. I am sure mine will be busy working away in the yard. Yeah (said in a very sarcastic tone)

This is hard for me....

Today is my son's birthday. He would be 8 years old today. It totally amazes me that it has been 8 years already. Alot has happened in those 8 years. I am a different person than I was. Losing him changed me and my life forever. I am not invincible anymore and I always fear the worse. I know now the worse can happen. I can say that I still hurt and feel his loss everyday but it does get easier. I found a letter that I wrote to him a couple months after I had him. When I read it can can feel how raw my pain was then. I know I am not in that place anymore but it still hurts. I am going to share that letter here on my blog. I am not sure why but I feel like I want to share it. Please remember this is really personal. I know my sentences are runons and it may not be grammatically correct. It was just something I wanted to write down. THIS IS A LONG LETTER!


Dear Kasey, August 22,2000


The only thing that comes to mind is that I am so confused right now. It has been 2 months since we lost your precious spirit and it feels like I can't go on with my life without you. Me and Daddy have been facing some real hard realities in like without you. I keep telling myself its not fair me and daddy wanted you so badly. We feel such a horrible loss without you. I wish that I could just hold you and kiss you and tell you that I love you. I wish that motherly bond with you outside of my tummy. I miss feeling all of those punches and kicks to my ribs. I know you were such a special little baby. I think all the time what you would be doing now. Sometimes I wish you were here so I wouldn't have to feel this terrible loss. I keep trying to tell myself that this is god's will that this was supposed to happen for a reason. But I guess I am selfish because I want you so bad. My whole spirit is interrupted. My whole body hurt. I think of your body being out at the cemetery all alone and sometimes I just want to go and stay there with you so you are not alone. I guess that is just the mother in me. I can't hardly sleep I keep going back in my mind to that night when I went to the hospital.

In my mind I think about what I was feeling. I went in thinking I was crazy and I was worrying for nothing. But when the nurse couldn't find your heartbeat I knew. She went and got an ultrasound machine and came back in and tried to find your heartbeat. I remember feeling so scared she kept telling me she was not an expert so she went and got a doctor. The doctor looked and she couldn't find your heartbeat. She showed me where your heart should be beating but she never really said you died. Then like a ton of bricks it hit me. You were gone. My precious baby I wanted so badly was gone. The doctor was not compassionate at all. The nurse was a little. But I really needed somebody else there with me. The nurse handed me the phone so I could call dad. I just remember thinking how could I tell dad that you were gone when I still didn't believe it myself. So I called dad. All I could say was that he better come to the hospital they can't find the heartbeat. I couldn't tell him you died. I was trembling so bad. I felt so sick to my stomach. All I wanted was for someone to be there and help me out of this nightmare. Then I called grandma and grandpa I. I told them the same way I told dad. Then I sat there waiting. Sitting there in total disbelief. My baby has died. This doesn't happen to people like us. I just kept telling myself no no no I must be dreaming. Somebody please wake me up. Then dad came in. I know he was thinking that everything was just misunderstood but I told him you were gone. He just looked like a ton of bricks hit him. He called grandma and grandpa r. then the doctor who delivered you came in to check the ultrasound machine and he confirmed that you had died. Grandma I came in sobbing and we just hugged and cried. We explained the doctor was going to induce labor. I just kept thinking how am I going to deliver a dead baby. I was so scared. I didn't know what you were going to look like. Then grandma and grandpa r. came and we told them what was going on.

So they came in and started my labor. The doctor broke my water and the nurse started my IV. It was the middle of the night and everyone was tired. So people just started finding places to sit and settle down. My whole body was sick the nurse brought me some antinausea medicine that helped with that. Grandma I tried to get ahold of aunt shanda and aunt shelly. She couldn't find shelly but shanda came over. At first I didn't want alot of people there right away. I was having a hard enough time dealing with your death. Then grandma R. called all of your aunts and uncles and told them to wait awhile before they came down. So now we were just waiting. Dad fell asleep and so did shanda. Everyone else was trying to rest but it was hard. I kept seeing all the hurt in everyones eyes and I felt like it was all my fault. I have caused everyone such pain. I just kept praying to god that you would come out alive and take away all of this hurt. It was hard for me to understand everyone else's hurt at first. Why were they so upset when I was the one who had lost my child not them. Then I realized how I would feel in their shoes. You were wanted by everyone not just me and dad. So the loss of your life was felt by everyone. The whole time I was in labor I kept praying that some miracle would happen that you would be born alive. But I knew in my heart it wouldn't happen that I wouldn't hear that 1st scream. I wouldn't be able to feel you breath. All of these things you would never experience came flying through my mind and my poor heart was breaking. Then I thought about Adam. I thought how sad it was that he would never know you like siblings do. I know you would have been a wonderful brother. I know you will watch over him and help him. please watch over him. I think if anything happened to Adam I would just die. He is the string holding me together right now. This whole experience has made me realize how precious children are. And how it is a divine privilege to be blessed with them.

As the night went on the labor got alot harder.the drugs the nurses were giving me were not working. The pain was almost unbearable. I kept thinking I would go through ten times the pain if I could just have my baby. I remember almost bargaining with god. Please don't let this be. Then before I knew it it was time to deliver you. Oh I was so scared. Both grandmas clung to each other in the corner of the room. They were crying. This upset me a little because when Adam was born they were right there beside my bed counting for me and so excited. I almost felt ashamed that I caused them such fear. But dad he was the best support. He helped me more than I could have imagined. I don't think I could put into words how much his love meant to me. Then you were born and they placed you on my tummy. You were so big. Your spirit was very strong. I felt you calm my emotions. Then I was able to see how beautiful you were. You just looked like a sleeping baby. So precious and dear. The love I felt for you was no different then when I had Adam. The feeling was a burst of motherly love. You were so dear to me. You are my child and I love you more than anything else in the world. You were so big. You were 6 lbs 12oz and 19 1/2 inches long. You were almost a pound bigger and an inch and a half longer that Adam when he was born. I just don't understand you were so big and healthy looking. I wish I could understand why you can't be here with us.

Everyone had their chance to hold you. Then Grandma r. and the nurse took you to the nursery to get a bath and some pictures taken. After that everyone went home. Aunt Shelly and uncle Kenny were there when grandma brought you back into us and they finally got to meet you. Then it was time for the funeral home to come and get you. Me and dad had to say our goodbyes. I felt so hopeless like I had no control over what was happening. I wanted to keep you and never let you go. But I knew I had to. So I clung onto you one last time. I hugged you and kissed you one last time and then I told you goodbye. When I handed you away I literally felt my heart break into a million pieces. My whole body felt like it fell right apart. I almost felt a panic. I had this feeling like someone was taking my baby away from me. But I knew I had to let it happen. I just took one last look at you and tried to remember every little detail of your body so I wouldn't forget what you looked like. Then you were gone. My baby was gone. I will never be able to put into words what I was feeling.I don't think there is a strong enough word for the hurt I was feeling.

After you were taken away the nurse came in and got me ready to move me to a new room. While we were getting ready everyone else went home. Then me and dad were alone. We just felt so empty. Dad decided to go home and sleep for awhile and give me a chance to sleep too. After he left I sat there wondering what just happened. What could I have done different. But I had a strong feeling come over me that made me feel comforted and I knew it was something that was out of my hands and I couldn't have changed anything. As hard as the reality was I knew I could get through it. I also knew it is not going to be easy.

I finally fell asleep for awhile. My body was so exhausted both physically and emotionally. When I woke up I realized I was alone again. I kept wondering if this feeling of loneliness would ever go away. Later I realizes it wasn't a loneliness that I was feeling it was an emptiness. I figure that will heal in time. Throughout the evening I had several visitors. My cousins come to see me. I sensed they were uncomfortable but I could feel their love for me which helped a great deal. I knew people were going to feel uncomfortable and that was okay to me. Then greatgrandma R. and aunt Arlene came and Arlene said to me "Jim will look after Kasey" That was the first time I realized that you were not alone. That your spirit had alot of family there with you. That there is alot more love there. This put my mind to ease. Dad stayed with me overnight at the hospital. I kept watching him sleep wondering how all of this was effecting him. I hoped that he didn't blame me. I also worried how this would effect him in the long run. Would this make him a stronger person or would it tear him down. Only time can tell what will happen. I think he will be fine. He is a strong person. He is never afraid to show his love which I am very grateful for. If I didn't feel his love the way I do I know I wouldn't be able to deal with all of this pain.

We made it through the night and the doctor told me I could go home when I wanted so I decided the sooner the better. So I took a bath and got dressed and ready to go. When I was done I walked back into the room and one of my doctors nurses was in there. She was a great deal of comfort to me. She had been through the same thing too. Finally someone who knew what I was going through. She told me her story and we cried and hugged. It was a good experience for me. It helped me alot to talk to someone who knew what I was going through. She assured me that time would heal all wounds. That the pain would get easier. She said it wouldn't go away but it would get easier.

So it was time to leave and the nurse wanted me to get into the wheelchair and I didn't want to sit in it. I wanted to take my hospital tag off and just walk out. As we went down the hall I thought I would die. I thought everyone was staring at me like I had a great big sign that said my baby just died. I just looked at the ground the whole way out. Feeling like I was going to burst into tears at any second. I couldn't believe I was leaving the hospital without you. I had imagined for months how I would bring you home for the first time. I had a special outfit just to bring you home.

I finally got to my car. Before I could even get the door shut I had burst into tears. I cried the whole way home. I cried all day. I cried for days and days.


Love,
Mom





So I know that was long and if you made it through I applaud you. That was a very very hard time in my life. I have grown alot in the last 8 years but the pain is still there. I still cry but few and far between. Sometimes I amaze myself thinking I have actually lived through something so life changing. I can't say I am glad to have gone through that but I do believe I have learned thing I would have never learned if I hadn't experienced it.

Thanks for listening!