Well we had another Dee incident today. I let him go play in the backyard this afternoon so he could play with the puppies and I was out there with him for a minute and came in the house to make a quick phone call and walked back out to check on him and there was no Dee and no puppies. So at first I am pissed and I search the whole neighborhood and he is nowhere. So I went back in the house thinking maybe he came back in the house but of course no he is not. So I am no longer pissed at this point I am FREEKING OUT and I decide to go out and check our trailer and the trailer was locked so I checked that off the list and decide to do a neighborhood backyard check and he is still nowhere by this point the tears are flowing and I am shaking to death. Then I thought well maybe he is in the trailer and locked himself in. So I go to the trailer and knock on the door and scream at Dee to open the door if he was in there. I tried to look in the window but of course the blinds are all closed. I still have no idea where he could possibly be and I am in complete hysterics. I ran in the house to call Rick and the whole time I am screaming Deshawn's name (note the throat is killing me now) I finally get Rick on the phone and I can barely speak. My throat was sore and I felt like I was going to pass out and then I decided maybe he might be hiding in the trailer because I could swear I didn't lock it last time I was in there. So I found the keys after ripping my house apart to find them and I ran out to the trailer. Just as I open the door my neighbors come over in a complete panic because they can hear me breaking down and I look in the trailer and screamed Deshawns name one more time and what do I hear? Ah yes a little tiny voice saying "what". I completely broke down mind you my husband is on the phone while all of this is going on. Poor guy there was nothing he could do but I just felt better having him trying to calm me down.
If there is one kid in the world that can make you feel like a complete disaster as a mother it is Dee. I love him so much but he tries me so hard. I can't tell sometimes if I am helping him or hurting him. I seriously yelled at him so hard when I found him. It made me feel so bad. Like scum of the earth but I was so scared and frustrated.
Needless to say we are all doing much better this evening and hopefully I didn't cause permanent damage to my child by having a nervous breakdown.
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4 comments:
don't be too hard on yourself; it is completely scary when you don't know where your child is. I can only imagine how you must have felt trying to find him. The fear takes over and then once you realize he was ok and only hiding the emotions overtake you - all the thoughts of what could have happene come pouring out. I'm sorry he scared you like that, thank goodness he is ok.
I think at the ame time...he needs to see that you are worried and the emotion tells him that hiding like that is NOT ok!
I know exactly what you were going through. Kimmi hid from Tyler one day while I was at a baptism. After looking for 20 min he called the cops, then me. Talk about panic, I was 15 miles away and I couldnt get home fast enough. All the scary thoughts that run through your head. She was gone for 45 min. before Tyler and the cop found her. I just feel so so sorry for those parents that have to go through that panic day after day for those children that really are missing. I am so glad everything work out and he is alright. I hope he learns from it the way Kimmi did. She wont hide from mom and dad any more.
my heart was in my throat just thinking about it. don't be so hard on yourself. he does need to understand that he can't just disappear like that.
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